Some Toilet Talk for Parashat Ki Tetze 2011

There is a Jewish custom that one does not think about God or sacred things on the toilet.  As far as I know, however, the custom does not work both ways and it is permissible to think about the toilet in God's sacred spaces.  So I will proceed with caution with my sermon.

As far back as I can remember, I have been aware of the battle of the toilet seat.  My mother used to chastise my father and later on my brother for leaving the toilet seat up!  At university, we lived in a mixed house in our second but we made sure there was a girls' bathroom and a boys' bathroom to avoid an inevitable conflict over the positioning of the toilet seat.

For many years, I only lived with female flatmates and was surprised and quite put-out every time a male visitor had the audacity to leave our toilet seat in its upright position.  It is, it would seem, an unwinnable battle that began when the modern toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper in 1861 and will continue for as long as we continue to need toilets (which, I assume, will be forever).

Or so I thought until I visited my brother and his new wife this summer!  On paying a visit to their facilities, I was shocked to find the toilet seat quite vertical.  Returning to their living room, I jested with my new sister-in law:  "How do you put up with him?  How can you cope with him leaving the toilet seat up?"  Oh no", they responded in unison, "we have an arrangement."

Intrigued, I wanted to know more.  "After a few initial arguments about it, we talked about it and both realised that there is actually no 'correct' way to leave a toilet seat and it is just a matter of preference.  So rather than annoying each other every time, we each leave the toilet seat the way the other would want it, ready for the next person."

I was speechless!  (Which is quite unusual for me.)  They have taken an ongoing battle, an issue that grates and niggles nearly everyone in the Western world and turned it into a principle of courtesy and respect!  Every time one of them goes to the toilet, they are reminded of the care and consideration of the other.

The Torah portion we read this week is about the very same thing – concern for the other.  How to live one's life in a way that respects and preserves the property of and the dignity of one's neighour.  "If you see your fellow's donkey or ox fallen on the road, do not ignore it; you must help him raise it."  Even, we are told, if you do not know him from Adam.

Today is the 11^th day of Elul.  Throughout this period we are reflecting on the task of Elul; the task of preparing ourselves both spiritually, practically and socially for the High Holy Days.  Part of that task is making peace with our fellows.  Apologising for any wrongdoings or mistakes, asking for forgiveness, making it up to people, repaying favours.

It is a month precisely for considering the property and dignity of one's neighbor.  It is a month for burying hatchets and finding new ways to move forward in mutual respect.   So I would like to propose a challenge to us all, myself included.  Let's be inspired by the 'Tale of the Toilet Seat' to find innovative ways to solve the ongoing tensions in our own lives.

Think of a conflict that you have with a family members, friend of colleague.  One that that has been going on for a while and seems unsolvable.One, perhaps, where you have given up trying to solve it and resolved to both being moderately annoyed.  Is there a way that you can turn that situation around by thinking the unthinkable?

Is there something you both could agree to or even just something you could do that would be an absolutely preposterous suggestion that goes against all your sensibilities if it weren't for the fact that it creates a new reality – a reality of mutual respect?  Have a think about it for a minute or two and make it your Elul resolution to try to be inspired by the Tale of the 'Toilet Seat' in one small but significant way before we reach Rosh Hashanah.